A good friend of mine recently confided in me that she felt so unaccomplished as she approached the big 30. She said she didn't have a boyfriend, or kids or any big promotions coming up in work, she didn't own a house or know what the next 5 years involved. She felt a bit in limbo. This person is a fantastic friend who you can always rely on, she's an amazing sister and daughter to her family, she has a great job, is beautiful looking and just a wonderful person. She's the type of friend you could call at 4am and she would come collect you, no questions asked. But, as always, we tend to focus on our negatives.
This is a common feeling amongst people in today's society, irregardless of gender, age and profession. In a world where achievements are splashed so readily over social media we are constantly bombarded with images and details of others successes.
It's not easy if you are sitting at home on a Saturday night in your jammies, eating ice-cream and crying at the Great British Bake Off (me last week!) to then be seeing engagements, fitness posts, celebrations and achievements, night club selfies and 'great bants' posts as you scroll through your news feed. It makes you feel inferior and quite down about yourself. And that's even if you aren't hungover! It's 10 times worse if you have the fear from drink!
We have all been there. We have all had our down times. Just always remember you too will overcome this. Imagine if we had a habit of only posting our worst bits on social media. Can you imagine all the 'I just got dumped' teary selfies? The 'I just ate a 6 pack of doughnuts by meself' filtered instagram food posts? The bulging bellys in yoga pants poses in the mirror?! Now wouldn't that be interesting!?
In a day when everyone is an amatuer photographer and we have filters, photo shop, advanced make up and styling, where we can retake a photo 10 times at different angles to get the best version then it's easy to feel like you are below par.
It all comes back to the phrase 'the grass is always greener'. You might be envious of that pretty girl who has a husband and 2 lovely children. But she might be struggling to get out of bed everyday suffering with post natal depression.
You might be jealous of that guy with the great hair and ripped physique but he might only go to the gym every evening as he can't face another evening in an empty house alone.
You might look on enviously at your colleague who just got a promotion and a shiny new car but his personal life might be in tatters as he's been working so hard and neglecting his loved ones. We can never be truly aware of others struggles.
So let's shift the focus from others for a second and turn our attention back to ourselves. Why are we looking to others and comparing our lives to theirs? It's only natural I suppose and natural selection and evolution are intrinsic qualities of human nature. We are born to be competitive. Competitive with others around us. And it's not always a bad thing.
But imagine a world where everyone spent as much time focusing on themselves as they do on keeping up with the Jones. Wouldn't the world be a wonderful peaceful place? Imagine a world where people didn't need each other for happiness and we just chose the company of others as a desire as opposed to a necessity. Then we would all be 100% in control of our own happiness. Wow. How liberating. Being single isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength. A sign that you weren't prepared to settle or hand the power of your happiness to someone else who is inadequate for you.
If you are truly happy in yourself and love yourself then the world is a different place. You feel so much more at peace with life. It's exhilarating.
So how do you reach this seemingly elusive state of self love and bliss? It's not easy but little steps every day will certainly help.
- Begin to love your body
- Focus on your positives
- Make a list of all your achievements
- Treat everyone with love and respect and you will receive the same back 10 fold.
- Spend more time doing things you love
- Care less what others think of you
Remember, you cannot be lonely if you love the person you are alone with!
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